When CarjackingEdit

  • Sorry buddy, I gotta borrow this!
  • You have insurance, right?
  • Don't worry, your car's in good company!
  • Take a hike, buddy!
  • Get walkin', it'll do you some good.
  • This is a robbery, don't make it a homocide!
  • I'm a carjacker, don't make me a murderer!
  • Hand over the keys!
  • Forgive me, it's an ugly world!
  • I need this more than you do!
  • Heroes get killed, don't be one.
  • Don't be a hero, come on!

Gets into car collisionEdit

  • Fucker!
  • Watch it, fucker!
  • Sorry about that!
  • You gave me wiplash, pigfucker!
  • Did you fuck your instructor for that license!?
  • Stay off the road!
  • What license do you have, hunting license!?
  • Where'd you get your license from, a ceral box!?
  • Check your eyes!
  • Oh, shit!
  • Shit!
  • My apologies!
  • Yield, fucker!
  • Move it, people!
  • Who let you off the short bus!?
  • Check your mirrors!

Threatens someone with a gunEdit

  • This ain't your day!
  • This ain't your lucky day!
  • Got a death wish?
  • It's loaded!
  • Come at me!
  • Second ammendment rights!
  • Don't forget the second ammendment!
  • Rule one, never run in front of the gun!
  • I got a right to bear arms!
  • You ever see one of these before?
  • Make a move, I fucking dare you!
  • You wanna understand me?
  • You think I'm scared of using this!?


  • You fight like you look - stupid!
  • Come on, I'm a professional!
  • I used to be in the army!
  • I'm a vet!
  • Go airborne!
  • I learned this in the army!
  • You inbred piece of shit!
  • You better run away, I'm a vet!
  • You think you're tough!? Do 'ya!?
  • You think I can't take you, you fucking punk!?

Being chased by PoliceEdit

  • Give me a break, I was in the service!
  • You'd better hope I don't turn around!
  • I'll put you in the ground!
  • Shouldn't you be beating up minorities?
  • You don't wanna make me angry!
  • Fuck off, pigs!
  • Don't cross me!
  • What!? Do I have a donut in my pocket!?
  • Help! I'm a victim of police brutality!
  • Hey! I'm being hassled by the pigs!
  • *Makes "Oinking" sounds*
  • Here, piggy, piggy, piggy!
  • Run, piggy, run!

Gets ArrestedEdit

  • Don't you pigs have anything better to do?
  • I'll just pay bail in a few hours!
  • Sorry guys, how far will a thousand get me?
  • You caught me. You guys want cash, credit, or check?
  • Still take bribes?
  • What, out of donuts?
  • You pigs just got lucky!
  • Well fuck me, the pigs ain't beating up a minority!
  • Do I get veteran benefits this time?
  • Guess what, this isn't for a DUI this time!

Marijuana BanterEdit

  • gotta be at peace with God, like, whatever you see him to be...'cause we all got a right to be here and all, man...even if it ain't clear to us and all, we all got a right to be less than the-the trees...and the stars...and...shit. We all got a right to be here and all! The universe is unfolding right as it should...and I'm cool with it.
  • I-I-I should be very very careful in my business, whole lotta thieves and shysters out there. But not everyone's mean, no. We all got high and good ideas...ideals...ideal ideas. The world's full of...good ideas. Business is a very, very valuable possession in these changing fortunes of...of time, yeah.
  • I just had the best dream the other night that...that-that I saw some bomber jet riding up shotgun in the sky, and then right before my eyes - bam! Just turns into a...a...a pretty little butterfly, man, I mean wow. Why is that? Who fuckin' knows, man, is it just the time of year? Oh, or-or maybe it's the time of man, right? That's a little spooky right there.
  • I am a man...or am I? I'm nothing but...flesh, bone-wait, no. No, I'm not flesh and bone. I am stardust, golden, billion year-old carbon going all relaxing, on my way back to the garden. But I'm caught in the devil's bargain...but is that devil real?
  • Being in the army was...horror..the horror! The horror of...war, yes, the horror of war. That was my nightmare, running through the jungle in 1989...right before Christmas. Would I see my family again and be home for...Christmas? No I wasn't, my first...yeah, first Christmas away from home. I didn't spend it in front of my fireplace, no, I spent it running through the jungle...just as my father did in Vietnam, and...and his father before him did at Okinawa, god rest his soul.
  • I think I was a good soldier...I think, I hope. 82nd Airborne division, raising hell over Panama, I think I did pretty good, boots on the ground at the airport...uh...holding down the, yeah, all that army stuff. SAW gunner, that was a good deal going on, yeah,, I wasn't a good soldier, Carlton died...and Barber got shot...Dan, he lost his legs, poor Dan. He had, like, a wife and kids and all that back in...where was he from? Alabama or...Alaska, one of those states. I-I-I should see Dan, see what he's up to.
  • When I was growing up, like a young...Christian Gentleman, I thought if I died in an evil place, my soul...wouldn't make it into Heaven. But fast forward, running through the jungles, I'm...I'm thinking to myself that if I die, I won't care wherever it goes, just so long as it ain't running around that...that damned jungle.
  • Why do people laugh at me? I wouldn't think...people would have anything to laugh at me for, I-I fought for my country and...and raised a good daughter and all...but...why do they make fun of me? Is it because of my, my mullet? My mustache, man, is it because of the music I like? It can't be of the music, is it? *Sings off key similar to Chef in "Apocolypse Now"* I can't get no-ooo...satisfaction! Satisfaction...that's gotta be why, people don't like satisfaction...everybody wants to bring everybody down and that's...that's a bummer.
  • People just hate my mullet...and mustache...and I don't know why, I think it looks quite...quite nice. People think I'm obsessed with...with the 1970's, but I am not. I only grow this because the army, army always told me what to do. "Myall, stand straight, don't forget your reserve, cut your hair you filthy hippie", and so on and so on! The army cut my long hair after I joined, went from...they cut my long hair! The army cut my long hair! Now I'm my own barber! But people...they laugh at me for it.
  • I want to see America...because I can't find it anywhere else because...because my whole life I either lived here in this little town, or in Washington, or wherever the army told me to live...I want to find America! But...but it don't make no difference what city it is, all cities look the same to me. Concrete grids, skyscraper towers, mean people...that's why I like it out here, a long, long way away from a city, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
  • I always liked growing up, like every Sunday after church, my dad took me out to the station and watch the trains go by with me...and that was fun. His...his old car, I wonder if he still has, no he don't. It was a nice...nice looking vintage 1965 Regina. Well, wasn't vintage back then, but it sure would be a vintage now. Would I be a vintage? Am I vintage? I'm only 45...that's not vintage...I'm not vintage at all, I'm just mediocre.
  • I don't know why-why-why when I was growing up, people asked what I liked, and I said hunting and trains, and they all laughed at me. Why-why did they laugh at me, because I liked trains? There's nothing...nothing at all wrong with trains at all, just going down to your room and watching your little train set go, the...the tunnel comes...and then the tunnel goes...and then the bends, oh boy, listening to them little diesels whine as they go around the, what fun. Roll on, little HO scale Southern Pacific.
  • How did I end up like this? I mean, holy shit, I do bad things. I am a bad man and...I don't even know, damn. I went to church when I was a kid, and I served my country and had, well...almost had a good family, but what broke, what broke me bad? Was it the army, killing all those guys so close they could breathe on me...or what is it? Fuck, might've been that divorce thing, it was all happy and good, but she wanted to...she wanted to leave, she knows what she got into. She's going to reap what she sows...I'm, I'm gonna reap what I sow.
  • Why...why am I on this? Why did I just take this...pot? I never took pot growing up...much...except for when my buddies and I went to see Van Halen in '86, yeah. I didn't like it too much, it just made me ramble on and...on and..on, yeah. Who went with me? Fuck, uh...Bernie, Bernie went with me, that's for sure. Then his girlfriend went, uh...Vicky, yeah, and Alan, he came with us too. And we stopped at Burger Shot on the way back and I threw up all over myself when we got back into, I hate pot. And I hate Van Halen.

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